Strictly Illegal
by DSISandraPullman39
Summary: A dance contest, a couple of million viewers and a group of law enforcement professionals with not a day's dance experience between them. What could possibly go wrong?


**Strictly Illegal 1/?**

**Disclaimer:-** Don't own them just borrowing!

**Episode:- **None

**Pairing:-** Jean/James, Robbie/Laura and Gerry/Sandra

**Rating:-** M

**Achieve:- ** **http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/**

**Summary:- **A dance contest, a couple of million viewers and a group of law enforcement professionals with not a day's dance experience between them. What could possibly go wrong?

**Author's Note:- **This is my first crossover fic it's Lewis/New Tircks and is also for the "Dance contest" challenge to write a fic where one or more characters take part in a dance contest. Given that I'm a total strictly come dancing devotee there was really only one way this was going to go! Hope it's ok and you all enjoy and reviews would be lovely.

Oxford

"There's no way! What the hell is he thinking?" Jean shouted slapping the memo from the chief constable down on the desk as she seethed quietly. She couldn't believe what she was reading. It was beyond ridiculous and she knew when Robbie and James heard what they were all supposed to do they'd be as furious as she was.

"Ma'am? Everything ok?" James asked putting his head round the door his eyes narrowing as she beckoned to him to come in.

"No everything is not ok; where's Robbie?"

"He's not back from the morgue yet. Honey you look upset what's wrong?"

"Ring him and tell him to meet at the pub across the road ASAAP and to bring Laura with him. We need to discuss this together." Jean replied waving the sheet of paper in the air opening the drawer in her desk and putting out here before heading to the door as James gripped her hand pulling her back before she could open it.

"Jean slow down what's the big panic all about? Are we all getting the boot? Are we about to be invaded by aliens? Does that sheet of paper say the world in ending in the next half hour?" He asked running his hand down her back gently in a way he knew normally would sooth any nerves she was feeling or anxiety about anything but which was failing today. "Honey tell me what it is you're worrying me now. You're flustered and you don't do flustered!"

"Here look for yourself." Jean sighed handing him the memo and waiting a beat while he read it.

"This has got to be some sort of joke I mean surely he can't be serious!" James replied shaking his head firmly, no way, I mean I can't do it, look at me I'm not built for…"

"You're built just fine from where I'm standing and it isn't a joke trust me I called his office and checked. Now you see why we need to talk to Robbie and Laura?"

"Yeah ok; let's go."

"Call then and tell them to meet us as soon as possible. I can't think of a single way to get round this and if between us we can't come up with something then we will have no choice."

"What's all the panic about I wasn't planning on clocking off yet James I thought we'd go and see the victim's family first." Robbie napped twenty minutes later as he and Laura arrived at the pub pausing as he saw Jean. "Ma'am? What's going on?"

"Sit down Robbie I'm telling you to clock off for the night, it's an order, we have something to discuss." Jean replied pushing the pint James had got him in Robbie's direction before pouring Laura a glass of wine from the bottle on the table.

"Jean I was all for doing the whole drink and early exit thing but you're starting to worry me." Laura said quietly her concern growing as she watched Jean and James exchange a concerned glance.

"Here read this then remember we're stuck with it so we have to work out how to just get on with it and minimise the amount of embarrassment." James replied pushing the memo across the table and waiting while they read it.

"Ha, ha you're both hilarious now what's this really about?" Robbie asked looking from Jean to James realising that they weren't joking and shaking his head firmly.

"I called him while we were waiting for you, for the second time I hasten to add, and there's no way out of it." Jean sighed "You and I are contractually obliged to take part in training once a year and he's putting this under that umbrella. We know it's about as much to do with training as making a cake but he can do it and he has. We are doing it because we have to we rank above inspector and therefore we have no choice we can't get out of it."

"Strictly speaking I don't have to do it, I can refuse but if Jean has to do it I'd rather she was doing it with me." James added gently squeezing Jean's hand reassuringly. "It's 12 weeks in London and I don't want my wife living in London for that long while I'm stuck here with god knows who doing yours and her job while you're out of the station."

"But it's going to be televised the public are going to vote, why the hell has he picked us? It's ok for you two who am I going to get stuck with?"

"That's why we wanted both of you. I have squared it with the chief and if you're prepared to do it Laura he says you can represent Oxford too and partner Robbie, obviously you don't have to do it but it's an…"

"OK, yeah I'd love to." Laura interrupted, laughing softly as the others looked at her in shock. "I've always wanted to learn how to dance properly and I never miss Strictly when it's on. When do we leave for London?"

"Friday." Jean replied "We'll stay together in a rented house while it's going on it's already organised apparently."

"Who else is doing it?" Robbie asked still not quite believing what he was hearing.

"There are two couples from police forces across the country, 10 couples in all one voted out each week until there are two couples left for the final which will be on Christmas week." James explained smiling as the atmosphere around the table seemed to calm a little. "Look when it comes down to it it's 10 weeks paid leave to stay in a nice house in London and with any luck we'll get voted out in the first and second week then we only have to do the occasional group dance."

"I suppose." Robbie agreed as they settled down to their drinks and the excitement he could feel radiating from Laura made him smile. Ultimately James was right if they look at it as a "working" holiday then it might not be that bad after all.

UCOS offices London

"Sir I don't understand why you want us to do this we're not exactly anyone's idea of smooth movers. The boys aren't going to like it at all." Sandra sighed staring pleadingly across the desk as her boss shrugged.

"We have to put two couples forward, commissioner's orders and I can't spare four regular officers. Cold cases can wait active ones can't." Strickland replied pushing the information pack in his hand across the table. "Obviously you will all still be on full pay for the ten weeks. I thought you'd jump at the chance, with your wedding coming up next spring it's a chance to learn a new skill that will make your first dance all the more special. I remember before our wedding my ex and I took some lessons and…."

"Ok well what do you expect Brain and Jack to do? They can't exactly dance with each other can they?" Sandra interrupted, already knowing what was coming next but wanting to make sure they were all on the same page before she went downstairs and broke the news to the boys.

"Brain can dance with his wife and Jack can just be around for moral support. He's the oldest after all and chances are it will be quite physically demanding at times, which wouldn't be ideal with his heart issues."

"And if we all refuse to do it?"

"That would be unwise, you're being asked to take part in something that will raise the profile of your unit and be extremely good PR for the MET in general. To refuse would imply a lack of dedication that might mean we would have to look again at the viability of UCOS and the loyalty of its members. Obviously I can't force you to take part…"

"But you will make our lives impossible if we don't?" Sandra sighed taking the information pack off his desk and moving to leave the office as she was sure she heard a quiet laugh rom Strickland when she closed the door.

"Ok shut up and listen!" Sandra shouted as she entered the office five minutes later walking in on a heated discussion about the merits of golf verses fishing as a hobby.

"Oh god we're in trouble now boys if she's come back from seeing Strickers with a mood on then we're about to be landed with a case we're going to hate." Gerry laughed as they gathered on the sofas and gave her their full attention.

"Oh I wish it was that simple." Sandra replied taking a deep breath before continuing. "OK before I start I've had the argument and asked all the questions and said all the things you're going to want to ask and say. We have no choice so just listen."

"Jesus Christ Sandra what's this about? They aren't closing us down are they?" Brian snapped throwing his hands up in the air. "I told you all something was going on, they're going to do it, they are closing us down and…"

"Brian they aren't closing us down now I've said it before and I'll say it again. Shut up!" Sandra shouted holding up the information pack in her hand. "The BBC are doing a special "Law Enforcement" version of Strictly Come Dancing. It'll run between next week and Christmas starting with a show introducing the contestants to the public. Gerry you and I have to partner up, Brian Strickland wants you and Esther to be the other couple from there. Jack you get off with just watching. We all get paid while we're doing it but the unit won't be operational until it's done. The show format is the same, one couple voted out each week by the public and so on until a Christmas week final Strickland has made it very clear that if we don't do it or if we try to object then it'll be seen as an indication of lack of dedication to the MET and our lives won't be worth living."

"Why would we want to object? Esther's going to love this! I'll go call her now." Brian beamed as Jack smiled rather smugly.

"Don't say it Jack you're only getting out of it because he thinks you're too old and decrepit to do it." Sandra sighed glancing at Gerry as he seemed to be turning the information over in his head.

"Ok let's make sure I've got this right. For the next ten weeks we get paid to be taught how to dance by a professional and appear on prime time Saturday night tele?" He said finally. "And during that time we don't have to investigate any cases or work at all?"

"Yeah that just about sums it up."

"Well let's get going then if we're going to do this we're going to win. Time to go home and do a little background research on this thing and start practicing."

"Gerry; what the hell? I thought you'd have been as against this as I am! We're going to have to dance, I don't dance, I have two left feet you know that and it's going to be broadcast to a couple of million people every week who are going to judge us! I can understand Brian getting excited about it he's insane but…"

"But I get to spend the next ten weeks dancing with the woman I love and getting paid for it. Personally I can't think of any downsides to that." Gerry interrupted his broad smile making her laugh. If she was honest there wasn't any of what he was saying that she could argue with and if they were being forced to do it then he was right about one thing. They needed to do some research and they needed to win. Anything less just wouldn't do.


End file.
